No one can say for sure what causes defiant behavior in children. It may be inherited through genes. Defiant behavior patterns may be caused by problems in brain chemistry. How a family reacts to a child’s behavior and how a child is disciplined also play a big role in the development of defiant behaviors. The truth is that many children, especially when they are tired, hungry, or upset, tend to disobey, argue, and defy authority.

As they grow up, most children mature and learn socially appropriate ways to get what they want. Defiant children, however, adopt and follow inappropriate methods, becoming demanding, oppositional, and difficult. Underlying influences driving oppositional behavior may be feelings of inadequacy due to concerns such as:  

• Peer rejection
• Conflict with parents
• Past traumas
• Body mage concerns
• Sibling conflicts
• The perception that defiance is cool

Whatever the roots, the destructiveness and disagreeableness of defiant children is purposeful. This is not a phase. This problem will not just go away overnight. Your defiant child is trying to antagonize you. She’s not doing it because she’s evil, although at times you may wonder if she is. Your child acts this way because she doesn’t know how else to handle her difficult thoughts and feelings. This is the key to understanding why your child is being defiant , and it is crucial that you keep it in mind as you’re dealing with her.

As you’re probably well aware, conventional discipline strategies usually fail when applied to defiant children. Defiant children may refuse to go on a time-out from an early age, and claim not to care about losing. When adults resort to spanking, defiant children are often able to manipulate the situation and turn the focus on the parents’ behavior. They will say things like “I’ll report you for child abuse” to avoid facing responsibility for their own transgressions. As crazy as this may sound, defiant children actually believe they are equal to adults. Many exasperated parents have told me how they tried to shut their defiant child in her bedroom only to have her destroy her own belongings or escape out the window.

All kids display defiant behavior from time to time, but it’s possible that your child has a condition called Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). ODD symptoms include chronic anger, blaming others for mistakes, being touchy , or easily annoyed and vindictive. To qualify for an ODD diagnosis, your child must do things like talk back, refuse to do chores, use bad language, and say things like “You can’t make me” or “You’re never fair” nearly every day for at least six months. In other words, kids with ODD have oppositional attitudes and behaviors that are more of a pattern than an exception to the rule.Here is a list of behaviors that a child diagnosed with ODD would exhibit:

• Often loses his temper 
• Often argues with adults
• Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults’ requests or rules
• Often deliberately annoys people
• Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior 
• Is often touchy or easily annoyed by others 
• Is often angry and resentful 
• Is often spiteful or vindictive

Don’t be intimidated by the term ODD, which often sounds very ominous and clinical to parents. Also, it’s important to realize that even if your child displays only one or two behaviors on the list above , or these behaviors are not that frequent, you still need to learn how to keep the situation from getting worse. The expression "An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure” could not be more relevant than when parenting defiant children. I have counseled many children who met the ODD diagnostic criteria, and I have also worked with lots of defiant children who fall short of meeting the criteria. A child—with any level of defiance—can create big problems for himself, his family, and others around him.

CHILDREN WITH OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER

All children are oppositional from time to time, particularly when tired, hungry, stressed or upset. They may argue, talk back, disobey, and defy parents, teachers, and other adults. Oppositional behavior is often a normal part of development for two to three year olds and early adolescents. However, openly uncooperative and hostile behavior becomes a serious concern when it is so frequent and consistent that it stands out when compared with other children of the same age and developmental level and when it affects the child's social, family, and academic life.

In children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), there is an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that seriously interferes with the youngster's day to day functioning. Symptoms of ODD may include:

• frequent temper tantrums
• excessive arguing with adults
• active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules
• deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people
• blaming others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
• often being touchy or easily annoyed by others
• frequent anger and resentment
• mean and hateful talking when upset
• seeking revenge

The symptoms are usually seen in multiple settings, but may be more noticeable at home or at school. Five to fifteen percent of all school-age children have ODD. The causes of ODD are unknown, but many parents report that their child with ODD was more rigid and demanding than the child's siblings from an early age. Biological and environmental factors may have a role.

A child presenting with ODD symptoms should have a comprehensive evaluation. It is important to look for other disorders which may be present; such as, attention-deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD), learning disabilities, mood disorders (depression, bipolar disorder) and anxiety disorders. It may be difficult to improve the symptoms of ODD without treating the coexisting disorder. Some children with ODD may go on to develop called conduct disorder.

Treatment of ODD may include: Parent Training Programs to help manage the child's behavior, Individual Psychotherapy to develop more effective anger management, Family Psychotherapy to improve communication, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy to assist problem solving and decrease negativity, and Social Skills Training to increase flexibility and improve frustration tolerance with peers.

A child with ODD can be very difficult for parents. These parents need support and understanding. Parents can help their child with ODD in the following ways:

• Always build on the positives, give the child praise and positive reinforcement when he shows flexibility or cooperation.
• Take a time-out or break if you are about to make the conflict with your child worse, not better. This is good modeling for your child. Support your child if he decides to take a time-out to prevent overreacting.
• Pick your battles. Since the child with ODD has trouble avoiding power struggles, prioritize the things you want your child to do. If you give your child a time-out in his room for misbehavior, don't add time for arguing. Say "your time will start when you go to your room."
• Set up reasonable, age appropriate limits with consequences that can be enforced consistently.
• Maintain interests other than your child with ODD, so that managing your child doesn't take all your time and energy. Try to work with and obtain support from the other adults (teachers, coaches, and spouse) dealing with your child.
• Manage your own stress with exercise and relaxation. Use respite care as needed.

Many children with ODD will respond to the positive parenting techniques. Parents may ask their pediatrician or family physician to refer them to a child and adolescent psychiatrist, who can diagnose and treat ODD and any coexisting psychiatric condition.

Source: American Psychiatric Association Fact Sheet

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